VLOG - She'd look like a Brasfield.

Completely un-edited, single take video blog, 2013 Sept 05.

What if we could save more children?

With all the pro-gun and anti-gun talk lately, I am reminded of how many different ideas there are here in the USA.  Smart people on both sides have strongly held opinions backed up by facts and reasoning.  Could it be that where you stand on the issues has more to do with where you started than with facts or reasoning?  I don't know about that, but I acknowledge that my opinions have certainly been influenced by living in the South, growing up in conservative churches, and by reading and studying the Bible.

It seemed that everybody was shocked by the mass shooting at Sandy Hook, and I suppose that is reasonable and expected.  Now Potus and his staff have embarked on a crusade for the safety of our children.  Potus even had children with him at the press conference where he announced his 23 step plan.  Who in the world doesn't care about children?

If we really care about children, there are some things we should consider:

• Tennessee alone has hundreds of children in foster care waiting - wishing and praying - for permanent families.
• Over 3,000 babies are aborted every day in the USA.

What are we doing for these children?  Somehow, we have become de-sensitized to these facts - to these kids.  There is only so much that we can do, right?  Sure, but what if God calls you to do something?  What if that something only saves one child?  What if that something can help save thousands or even millions of children?  Is that too big a goal?  Not if God is truly in it. 

“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”   Matthew 19:26 


If you are in a difficult situation because you are unexpectedly pregnant, you have options.  I am sure it seems overwhelming right now.  That's normal and reasonable.  You will be okay.  You can talk to my wife and me, or someone else you trust.  You will be happy you carried the baby to a full term healthy delivery.  You can keep the baby or arrange an adoption. 


Are you childless?  Wonder if you would qualify for adoption?  Not sure you could afford an adoption?  Not sure you could love someone else's child as much as you love your own?  Ask someone.  If you would be open to considering adoption if the hurdles weren't to high for you to get over, then contact your local Department of Children's Services.  I know it's nerve racking, but a phone call or email is just that.  You are allowed to ask questions before obligating yourself to something you are not ready for.

Adoption - Aug. 18, 1999

What if more women chose to carry their babies rather than abort them?

What if more people learned about adoption?

What if God is calling you? 

Pray for our nation.  Pray for our children.  Pray for personal direction.  Then listen for an answer.

If Jill and I can do anything for you, please contact us.  We love you all.

God bless,
Dadofmykids

Day 39 of #40Days - The Chase

There for a while, phone calls from our birth mom were fairly common. Jill said she had given birth to our kids instead of having abortions, so she wanted to share pictures and keep in contact. At first, I didn't quite understand it, but now I see it as an example of Jill's compassion. She is the most compassionate person I've ever known.

Kaymie, one month old, courtesy of birth mom.

When Kaymie was born, the state didn't take her immediately; it was the same as Asher. It is confusing, since they took Riley at the hospital when he was newborn, but we heard that the new baby girl was born and staying with birth mom. We were concerned for Kaymie's health and safety based on the previous experiences. We prayed for her and wondered how she was doing.

After a few months, birth mom called and said she was having troubles with her marriage or something like that and asked us to take Kaymie for adoption. So we went to meet her at a Walmart parking lot. She never showed. We went looking for her, having a general idea of which neighborhood she lived in, we asked people to point us her way, but we didn't find her. We went home, without Kaymie.

This situation repeated itself one more time. We received the phone call asking us to take the baby girl. We went to get her, but no show. This time, the strangest thing happened. We were waiting at Walmart. I was standing outside the store; it was night time. Then birth mom walked directly by me to get a paper out of the paper box beside me, as if she didn't see me or know who I was. But I saw her and the chase was on.

After I said her name, she jumped back in the car her husband was driving and they took off. Jill and I followed. We hoped they would lead us to the baby, whom we didn't see in the car. They soon realized we were following and turned down some back roads increasing in speed. We gave chase thinking this could end badly, like something you'd see on tv, so we slowed down and found our way back to the highway. Again, we wondered where was the baby girl and was she ok.

It was then that Jill and I agreed that we would not go back there again unless it was official. A caseworker would have to call us, not the birth mom. The next call we got came from the birth dad. He was taking Kaymie to the Dept. of Human Services to hand her over. He and the birth mom had been arguing again, so he said he thought this was best for the baby. Still, we waited for the official call which indeed came. Our case worker asked us to drive up there, about an hour from our home, to pick up the baby.

On such short notice, Jill and I couldn't both go this time, so Jill went. When they got home, Kaymie was crying. She had cried all the way home and continued crying till bed time. At seven months old, she didn't recognize any of us. She must have been scared, and probably tired too.

The next morning, when Kaymie woke up, she was in a good mood, not crying. She looked like a different child. Jill had her decked out in a pink sleeper and Kaymie was so cute. I took her picture and printed a few to send with the kids to school so they could show their teachers and friends their baby sister.

Kaymie is a charmer; everybody likes her. She is a kind, helpful, beautiful, smart and athletic girl. We are very proud of her.

God Bless,
Dadofmykids

This is # 39 of Forty Days. Tomorrow is the last post of the series. Learn more here.

Day 33 of #40Days - Once a Brasfield...

We weren't looking to adopt another child.  We were busy with five kids already when we were invited to an adoption fair.  As experienced adoptive parents, perhaps we could offer encouragement to others.  Hoping that we could help, we accepted the invitation.

The adoption fair was a cookout or picnic event where adoptable foster kids and prospective adoptive parents were brought together in a casual atmosphere.  It was very well attended with maybe a couple hundred people.

There were all kinds of kids there, many hoping to to be matched with a forever family.  Several kids we encountered sounded like sales people telling us about themselves.  It was obvious they wanted to be selected.  It is kind of sad to remember them.

We were introduced to some adoption hopefuls too.  These were adults who were interested in adoption and perhaps unsure if it was for them.  They asked us about our experience, often intrigued with how we came to adopt such young children.  It seems that most people want to adopt a baby.  The older children are often left out because younger children are preferred.

With no intention to meet any children for ourselves, both Jill and I found ourselves drawn to a teenage boy with an energetic outgoing personality.  He didn't try to sell us on himself.  Suddenly, we found ourselves curious about him.  His name was Johnny.

We asked our case worker about Johnny and got as much info as we could.  Then, after praying about it, we expressed interest in meeting him.  We were interested in the possibility of adopting Johnny.

Eventually, this led to overnight visits where Johnny came to our home and met our kids.  We had him over a few weekends and took him camping.  It seemed like a fit, so we started talking adoption.

Johnny agreed to the adoption.  Everything looked like it was a "go".  The weekend came and I went to pick up Johnny at his foster home.  On the way to our house, I told Johnny, "Once a Brasfield, always a Brasfield."  That means when we didn't want to go into this with the idea that we were some kind of extended foster home.  I told him we didn't mind if he re-connected with his birth family after he turned eighteen, but he would be a part of our family for life.  The talk was intentional.

After that talk, Johnny revealed that he was not interested in such a life-long commitment.  He planned to re-unite with his birth family and didn't want to be adopted.

Through this, we learned that each child has their own needs.  Communication, especially with teenage foster kids, is very important.

There are many avenues to pursue adoption.  Our adoptions were all through the Tn Dept of Children's Services.  Jill and I wish that all foster kids could find a forever family.  If you are interested in adoption but don't know where to start, then look here:  www.adoptuskids.org.

The young man, Nathan, pictured above, is one of the many foster kids who want to be adopted.

Feel free to contact us, too.  We love to help.

God bless,
Dadofmykids

This is post # 33 of Forty Days.  Learn more here.

Day 28 of #40Days - Little miracles.

"Somebody must be dead", Jill said, because the phone was ringing at 6:00 am.  Then she looked at the caller ID on the phone.  The call was from a pay phone in the town where our kids' birth mom lived.

Asher loves ice cream.

She was calling to tell us that our Asher, five months old, had been taken into DCS custody the previous day.  She told Jill when the case would be before the judge and was nearly begging for us to come and see if DCS would place him with us.  Jill assured her that we would be there, and that we would start making phone calls to our caseworker to see if she could help.

The little things about Asher being placed in our home were most miraculous.  Our home study had expired because we hadn't fostered any more kids since we had a houseful.  We didn't plan on getting more kids either.  But our beloved caseworker went to bat for us, appearing in court and recommending the judge to send Asher home with us.  The lawyer for our region of DCS made a special trip to be there, too.

Asher's caseworker was not the same as our caseworker.  She had made it clear that there was no way we were taking him home that day.  "No way."  But she was wrong.  The judge agreed with those who were there for us.  He said Asher should be with his siblings right away to begin bonding. 

At the campground.

We met his foster parents in the mall parking lot.  That's where we got Asher, at the mall.  He was so sweet and innocent. We were in my pick up truck.  Jill got in the back seat with Asher.  She changed his clothes and buttered him up with lotion because our church was in revival and we planned to be there with him that evening.  Jill's cousin took our other five kids to church and we met them there.  The first time they saw Asher was at church.

About a year later or so, we were camping by the lake.  Somehow, Asher got one of the fishing lures hooked in his lip.  The hook went all the way through the inside of his lip.  I used a pair of pliers to crimp the barb on the hook.  I thought I could then slide it out backwards, but it wouldn't go.  Then I cut the end off the hook with wire cutters.  Thankfully, it wasn't as serious as it first looked.

God bless,
Dadofmykids

This is post # 28 of Forty Days.  Learn more here.

Day 27 of #40Days - "I want bawoooony and keppup."

When we arrived at the neighborhood entrance, we saw a little boy playing outside one of the houses in the distance and wondered if it was Sean.  We were on our way to meet him for the very first time at his foster home where he lived most of his first four years.  Sure enough, that was him.

His foster mother told him we were coming to meet him.  When he realized we were there, he hid in the hayfield adjacent the back yard.  I don't blame him one bit.  Can you imagine at the age of four years hearing that you're going to meet your mom and dad for the first time?  

We quickly learned that Sean would have lived on a diet of bologna and ketchup sandwiches and milk, if we let him.  When we asked Sean what kind of sandwich he wanted, he almost always said, "bawoooony and keppup."  This picture of Sean was taken at kindergarten.  No doubt there was a bologna and ketchup sandwich in his lunch that day.

And what a handsome little boy he was; he is a handsome young man.  He was shy at first.  He quickly took to his new large family.  Later, Sean and Levi became really attached; Levi looks up to Sean because he is such an awesome big brother.

We are very proud of Sean.  He graduated high school this year and is living out on his own.  He is a hard worker and very responsible.
 

God Bless,

Dadofmykids.

This is post # 27 of Forty Days.  Learn more here.

Day 25 of #40Days - "Wonder Boy"

First birthday.

When we went to hospital to pick up Riley, the first thing the nurse did was show us his full head of hair. He was three days old, a beautiful and healthy baby boy. The state of TN had taken custody of Riley right away after his birth.  We went into the newborn nursery to get him.

We didn't know Tucker's birth mom was pregnant. So Riley came as a complete surprise. The state tries to keep siblings together; so it was natural for them to call us.

Here we were planning for one baby; then one became two.  Tilley was due in a couple weeks. That's why people looked at Jill so funny when she carried Riley out of the hospital; she was waddling.  People were looking, no, staring. We knew they were thinking, "Didn't she take care of that while she was here."

Riley was a good baby.  I nick-named him "Wonder Boy".  He only cried when he was hungry or something like that, slept well.  Everybody wanted to hold him.

I put a blue balloon on the mailbox with a sign that said, "It's a boy."

Babies are truly a gift from the Lord.

God bless,
Dadofmykids

This is post # 25 of Forty Days.  Learn more here.

Day 19 of #40Days - God smiled on us.

Did you ever own an answering machine?

Tucker.  Photo by Donna Weeks.

We had one.  Every time we would come home, we'd check the machine for messages.  Like today's email, we got a few "spam" callers, or telemarketers.  Bill collectors were either super sweet or downright nasty with their messages.  Only about 1/4 to 1/3 of the messages were really from people we wanted to hear.

Then there was the message from Sharon Smallwood, the caseworker who had listened to us gripe about losing Nathan.  "Jill, this is Sharon.  Give me a call."  It was Thursday before Good Friday.  So we couldn't return Sharon's call till Monday, because the DCS office would be closed for Easter.

We didn't know what she wanted.  But we were NOT expecting this; a baby boy, foster-to-adopt.

Could it be real this time?  Or, was this just another case worker pulling our chain?

The process of picking up a child from foster care can be very surreal.  We picked up Sharon and drove to the TN DCS office in Maynardville.  It was about an hour drive from home.  We had never been there.  So Sharon was giving directions.  Finally, she said, "There it is", pointing to the location.

Inside this little old building was a foster mother who was holding a baby boy that was to be ours.  We were led to a room in the back where they handed him over to Jill; five and a half weeks old, and beautiful.

I asked Sharon how she came to call us for Tucker.  "Isn't there some kind of waiting list?"  We hadn't been waiting very long, in my opinion.

Sharon said, "You were the first ones I thought of when I heard about him."  She told us how she'd told all the other case workers not to make any phone calls because she had a place for him.  I knew then that God had smiled on us.

Smile on me, your servant.
Have pity and rescue me.
Psalm 31:16

God bless,

Dadofmykids

This is day 19 of Forty Days.  Learn more here.

Day 18 of #40Days - "Where'd you get that? Morristown?"

It was no April fool's joke.

Our caseworker called needing an emergency placement for a little four-year-old boy on April 1, 1993.

"We're not asking you to take him long term," she said.  "Just for the weekend."

Laken and Daniel, less than a week after his arrival.

Daniel arrived at our house with his clothes and toys in a garbage bag.  He had been removed from his foster home without notice.  There had been a "disruption", so there was not much time.  I don't think he left much stuff behind.  That was probably all he had.

He was wearing a Mickey Mouse hoodie, pulled over his face, and cowboy boots.  He wore those cowboy boots till his toes hung out the front.  And his blue bird stuffed toy; we managed to hang on to it for many years.  But I haven't seen it lately.

Just for the weekend?  No way.  Not for us.  We fell in love with that pudgy face right away.  Monday came and we told his case worker she need not look elsewhere.  He could stay with us.

Our foster training had been for therapeutic placements.  In other words, we had been prepared for foster kids with severe behavior problems.  But this little boy didn't seem to fit.  They call that the honeymoon period.  And we were indeed honeymooning.

He amused us with some of his trademark antics, like "Where'd you get that? Morristown?"  When we asked him what kind of sandwich he liked, he said "Butter-n-jelly."  He meant, we learned, peanut-butter and jelly.  He never rode a bike with training wheels, at least not after he came to us.  Always busy.  Always talking, except when he was on that blasted ADHD medication.

Minutes after Daniel was baptized.

We committed ourselves to Daniel.  He tested us.  But we stood firm.  Over the years, he got in trouble but he was also a very good, loyal and loving member of our family.  He usually speaks his mind, which I like.  You don't have to wonder what he's thinking. 

It wasn't long ago that Daniel recalled for me how we used to go fishing every Saturday with Papaw Tilley, Jill's dad.  Papaw would pick us up at 5:30 AM on Saturdays.  I would wake Daniel around 5:15 AM and help him get dressed while he was still groggy, hardly awake at all.  We'd get to the dam as the sun was about to rise.  Just in time for the fish to "eat breakfast".  Good memories.

Over the years, we've had many highs and lows with Daniel.  And they aren't over.  We still have good days and bad days.  And we love him.

Daniel was our first foster.  He became our first son.  Our very first child. 

Teach your children right from wrong,
and when they are grown they will still do right.
Proverbs 22:6

God bless,

Dadofmykids

This is day 18 of Forty Days.  Learn more here.

Day 17 of #40Days - The Days Ahead

"The child deserves legal representation, Your Honor."

"You're asking me to spend more tax dollars without good cause."

The judge told me the home study was flawless.  Then, he ruled that Nathan would be turned over to his grandparents.

Outside the courtroom, I tried to tell Nathan's grandparents about their eleven-month-old grandson.  How we fed him, when he slept, and that he loved the backpack.  I could hardly speak because my emotions were getting in the way.

Nathan was our foster son.  We were bonded with this baby boy.  Soon after we got him, our case worker told us that we would be able to adopt him.  We had him since he was about one month old.  Now, our dreams were crushed.  We were crushed.

Jill stayed home with Daniel and Nathan that day while I went to court to ask the judge to assign a guardian ad litem.  It seemed only fair that he should have an attorney who was looking out for his best interest.  It was a conflict, in my opinion, to allow either the state's attorney or the family's attorney to represent him.  And all the judge had for me was, "spend more tax dollars."

I drove home to tell Jill.  Cell phones and text messaging weren't popular yet, and I didn't want to give her the bad news by phone anyway.

We were hurt, and not sure that we even wanted to continue fostering kids.

A few weeks later, another case worker, Sharon Smallwood, came by to check on us.  We unloaded on her.  We told her how we'd been lied to about adopting Nathan, and how the judge was unfair, how hurt we were.  But, she was sweet and took it all in.  She said she didn't blame us for feeling that way.  It helped a little.

We had no way of seeing where this painful experience would lead.  We weren't expecting it to lead any where at all.  But it did; it lead to Tucker.

In the days ahead, I hope to share with you how this painful experience marked the beginning of The Brasfield Nation.

Stay tuned to the 40 Day Project.


God Bless,
Dadofmykids

P.S.  By the way.  Nathan turned out okay, too.  Thank God.

Day 13 of #40Days - "This is bigger than us."

A podcast episode of Daily Audio Bible, included the story of Esther.  Esther was the beautiful Jewish queen of the Persian king Ahasuerus.  You can read the story for yourself in the Bible here.

It moved me on several levels.  So I wanted to share it with you.  First, Esther was adopted by her cousin, Mordecai, after her parents died.  This is a great example of how important adoption can be.  It was Mordecai who advised Esther that this may be the time for which she was created.  If he hadn't adopted her, it's likely they wouldn't have had the relationship where he could say that to her.  Adoption can lead to some pretty cool things.

Secondly, Esther found herself with a decision.  Should she risk her life with hopes of saving her people from genocide, or be silent?  Although we North American Christians don't usually face life or death decisions, we are like Esther in that we are created for a moment in time.

It's cool that we can't usually see times before they arrive.  It's all of a sudden when you're faced with a decision.  Kinda like the day when our social worker called and said, "I know you have your hands full already, but Tucker has a new baby brother.  We have to ask you if you want him."

Adoption Day.

Well, we actually paused to think about that decision.  I mean, we immediately wanted to keep Riley and Tucker together.  But since Jill was 8 1/2 months along with Tilley's pregnancy, and we already had Daniel and Tucker, could we handle it?  And would it have been a blessing to another family if they could have this baby boy, rather than us?

We were made for moments like that.

So be ready.  You probably won't see it coming.  But you will be like Esther, faced with a potentially life changing decision.  Prepare yourself with faith.  Go ahead and determine now that you will trust God.  He can handle it, whether you can or not.

I was nervous.  Picking up baby Riley at the hospital, when Jilly was about to pop with baby Tilley in her belly, was a step of faith.  We were saying to God, "This is bigger than us."

That was 1997.

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, 

but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!"

Romans 8:15

God bless,
Dadofmykids

This is # 13 of The Forty Day Project.  Learn more here.

Father's Day

When my mom's boss showed up with my older brother to pick me up at the "baby sitter's", I was a little confused. At five years old, there was no way that I could have known why my mom wasn't the one.

That was the day my dad died.

The next seven years, my older brothers were the "men of the house". Don't pity me though. As much as I missed my dad, his death and absence from my life helped shape me. I am not happy in the least about his death. But I am ok with it now.

I also see how it lead to many good things in my life. If my dad hadn't died, I would have never met Jill, my wife. If I had never met Jill, I would not have my wonderful family. There would be no Tilley, our biological daughter. We would not have adopted our other kids. Where would they be today, if my dad hadn't died?

Seven years later, my mom remarried. It took me a while to really understand what a great man my new "dad" was. At the age of thirteen, I was not comfortable calling him dad. So I started calling him "Pop", like Lamont called his dad on "Sanford and Son".



Over time, "Pop" set a great example for me in many ways. I owe him a lot for where I am today. 

I have a wonderful and beautiful family.  Today is a good day to be the father of The Brasfield Nation.

God bless,
Dadofmykids.

PS.  I just got an Amazon Link.  Use it to support The Brasfield Nation.  Thanks.

Beale Street (and some other stuff) on my mind.

Friday night we're gonna be walking with our feet ten feet off of Beale. Jill, Mollie and I plan to "do" Beale Street together. We are excited. But first, I have to actually GO to Memphis. Jill and Mollie are already there with Conner, Tucker, Riley and Tilley.

They went over on Sunday. I stayed behind with Papaw, Sean, Asher, KK and Levi. Asher, KK and Levi (AKL) will be out on fall break Thursday and Friday. So we're gonna go over and join the fun.

I haven't been to Memphis in a few years. My mom has been so patient. She lives there.

That's Friday. This is Wednesday. Yesterday...well that's another story.

Yesterday, Asher called me from school. He was sick. I had forgotten to give him his alergy meds and so he was breaking out. I couldn't get ahold of Sean to either take him his meds or to pick him up. So I went to get him. However, I did get Sean before I got there. He went to get Asher for me. I was not happy.

I took Papaw to the Dr. in the afternoon. He's been getting sick for some time. It finally got bad enough that he would agree to see his doctor. It took about one minute for the Dr. to determine that Papaw was sick enough to go to the hospital. I took him to the emergency room. He was admitted with pneumonia.

Then Linda called and said that Nettie had another baby.

I was NOT expecting that.

This means six of our kids have yet another biological sibling. It does NOT mean we are getting another child. However, it IS possible that we could be asked to take the baby. We just don't know what's going to happen.

We are praying that we will not have to make a decision about taking the baby. The main thing is for the child to go to a loving and capable family. I know we could love and care for a child, but we have a pretty full plate already. I don't know if I could say "No" to a baby. So I am praying that we won't have to face that decision.

Please pray with me. Pray for the baby. Pray that whatever happens will be best for both the baby and it's siblings in my home.

How's that for one day?

Memphis, here I come!

God Bless,
Dadofmykids

People giving up their kids.

Over the past week or two, parents have been giving their children over to the State of Tn. They say things like "We just can't deal with it anymore." Social workers beg the parents to at least retain contact with the kids. It's sad.

Then, the parents leave and the children remain with the workers. They don't have enough foster homes.

This is not some internet email from whoknowswhere. I personally spoke to a case worker whom I have known for years.

You can help. Consider opening your home to children in your town who are being discarded. It's not a hard thing to do.

"Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name, welcomes me," said the Lord Jesus in Mark 9:37.

Let me know if there are any questions.